Fearless Flying

Christmas came early this year for us in the form of an unexpected phone call on Tuesday, November 11th. That Tuesday morning, I was struggling. Struggling with the frustration of the process not being finished yet. Struggling with the fact that we seemed to be lost in the system. Struggling with guilt over being frustrated that it seemed as though every path I have traveled has been littered in obstacles. Struggling with fear, and shame over being jealous of everyone who seemed to be having it's easy. You see, I love this crazy beautiful life I live - but like everyone - I can get caught up in the what ifs and the perpetual cycle of self doubt. Tuesday the 11th just happened to be a day off to celebrate the sacrifices of the heroes and veterans, and I was spending the morning wallowing in a pity party. I attribute most of it to anxiety from work over the prior weeks. Anyway.. That evening I called our caseworker back about some forms she asked that we update.. As we were talki...

Fall is my favorite time of year - and I realize I share this sentiment with many others who love the crisp cool air, the pumpkin spice (yes I said it!) best of all - hooded sweatshirts. Last fall was when my partner and I began the journey to becoming Foster Parents. I dreamed that by this fall we would be playing in pumpkin patches with kiddos, and helping families reunify. Unfortunately, the state of North Carolina seems to take their own sweet time when it comes to processing paperwork. I am beginning to feel so impatient with the process, and there are days when I feel like we will never get everything approved. Currently, our pre-placement assessment is complete so we could technically start an adoption process, BUT we cannot foster. It all makes so little sense to me!  It is so hard to remind myself to take a step back and recognize that things happen for a reason and that there is a plan.  I watched so many friends with their children on Halloween and part of me was so...

School is back in session and the craziness that is September is in full swing. I love my job as a special education teacher for children with extreme behavior needs and mental illnesses... But I watch the system fail them over and over again. Rather than provide a continuum of care of for them that is focused on holistic healing and care for the child and family system, we have a system who responds minimally to a child in crisis. I say system - schools, doctors, therapists, teachers, parents, foster parents, agencies, child welfare workers, etc - these children slide through the cracks in a community that lacks a true understanding of the issues surrounding these beautiful souls. I work on the front lines daily, I watch repeated attempts at helping these children fail - not due to a lack of genuine caring and love, but from the sheer lack of understanding of the demons these individuals fight. I titled this post September Slide because it is a term I learned from my mom years ago in ...

I am going to begin this blog by saying I hope you all view this as a safe place, both for me to post my ramblings and for you to come and show support.  We are currently facing the endless challenges in place for obtaining our Foster Care licensing through our agency and the state. It seems that it comes with never ending checklists, purchases of things like fire extinguishers, baby gates, and a medicine lock box.  It is a beautiful journey as we prepare our home for the endless things we may or may not need for children from birth to age 8. We are blessed that we have friends who have stepped up and loaned us furniture, a few baby gear items, and volunteered their children's gently loved items. I cannot say thank you to them enough, and I hope that they know how grateful we are. I promise to pay it forward in the future. I am trying to not get overwhelmed by the impact preparing for this journey has had on us. It is a joy filled feeling, but some days I feel compl...