School is back in session and the craziness that is September is in full swing. I love my job as a special education teacher for children with extreme behavior needs and mental illnesses... But I watch the system fail them over and over again. Rather than provide a continuum of care of for them that is focused on holistic healing and care for the child and family system, we have a system who responds minimally to a child in crisis. I say system - schools, doctors, therapists, teachers, parents, foster parents, agencies, child welfare workers, etc - these children slide through the cracks in a community that lacks a true understanding of the issues surrounding these beautiful souls. I work on the front lines daily, I watch repeated attempts at helping these children fail - not due to a lack of genuine caring and love, but from the sheer lack of understanding of the demons these individuals fight. I titled this post September Slide because it is a term I learned from my mom years ago in reference to the difficulties many people experience emotionally, physically, and mentally this time of year. I have had my fair share of September slides, and I always find this time of year to be one that is both difficult with all the stressors, as well as a beautiful time as fall is my favorite season.
I say all of this to speak to an issue I think is weighing heavily on me right now and that is fear- fear that I will never be able to provide the care and healing some of my students needs; fear that I won't be able to meet the needs of my students, their families, my partner, and my future foster children. I am already so overwhelmed with work now, and am definitely in the September slide into stress with work and life demands. It terrifies me that I won't be enough to help my future placements. I also have a nagging fear that I will never have the chance to parent children of my own, that it won't be in my future. I'll save that fear for a future blog, because it is one that is neverending.
These fears and self doubt, and feelings of inadequacy are fleeting but crippling. They come out when I know I am most vulnerable, like after diffusing a crisis at work or handling a situation in life that is overwhelming - but then the fear fades, and I remind myself that the September Slide is fleeting, and that the comforting feeling of fall is coming. I remind myself daily that I will be enough, even for the children and families who are suffering and lost in the abyss of the "systems". I remind myself that I am surrounded by an amazing community at work in my coworkers and we have the power to make changes, to overcome the "true but useless" facts, and find our 212 degrees to get to boiling and make a difference. (Curious about that? Check out Sam Parker - givemore.com). I also have to remind myself of the amazing successes we see each day, and a small reality check helps me to quiet the fears, even just for a little while.
I am growing impatient with the licensing process, we are in a never ending cycle of hurry up and wait still.. But I am thankful for it, because it allows for moments like this morning, a quiet morning for reflection, and warm coffee... A morning for thinking and finding things to be thankful for, and finding some joy in the slide.. Instead of the fear of the falling.
I say all of this to speak to an issue I think is weighing heavily on me right now and that is fear- fear that I will never be able to provide the care and healing some of my students needs; fear that I won't be able to meet the needs of my students, their families, my partner, and my future foster children. I am already so overwhelmed with work now, and am definitely in the September slide into stress with work and life demands. It terrifies me that I won't be enough to help my future placements. I also have a nagging fear that I will never have the chance to parent children of my own, that it won't be in my future. I'll save that fear for a future blog, because it is one that is neverending.
These fears and self doubt, and feelings of inadequacy are fleeting but crippling. They come out when I know I am most vulnerable, like after diffusing a crisis at work or handling a situation in life that is overwhelming - but then the fear fades, and I remind myself that the September Slide is fleeting, and that the comforting feeling of fall is coming. I remind myself daily that I will be enough, even for the children and families who are suffering and lost in the abyss of the "systems". I remind myself that I am surrounded by an amazing community at work in my coworkers and we have the power to make changes, to overcome the "true but useless" facts, and find our 212 degrees to get to boiling and make a difference. (Curious about that? Check out Sam Parker - givemore.com). I also have to remind myself of the amazing successes we see each day, and a small reality check helps me to quiet the fears, even just for a little while.
I am growing impatient with the licensing process, we are in a never ending cycle of hurry up and wait still.. But I am thankful for it, because it allows for moments like this morning, a quiet morning for reflection, and warm coffee... A morning for thinking and finding things to be thankful for, and finding some joy in the slide.. Instead of the fear of the falling.
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